It's been a relatively quiet week at our house as I've been knocked out of commission by the dreaded "change of seasons" cold. I woke up Tuesday with a tingle at the back of my throat and by Thursday I was pretty much sleeping the day away. Todd has been on full time doggy duty, cold medicine purchasing and dispensing, and otherwise taking care of all the miscellaneous household things that I have been sleeping through.
Todd is the best person to have around when you're sick. He's a wonderful caretaker with never ending patience and generosity.
Then again, I might be a little biased.
Todd and I met online in the winter of 2005. The first conversation we ever had was about nailing jell-o to the wall. That is not a joke, but it should give you some insight about the kind of sense of humor you are likely to see around here. That is literally what we talked about. Todd's wedding gift to me was the printed transcript of our entire first conversation and we both got a good laugh over how completely random it was. It also went on for something like 3 hours.
That first conversations led to more online conversations and then eventually phone calls that lasted all night long. There were days I would hang up the phone and hop in the shower to go to work. I have no idea how I survived that period in my life. I broke all my rules for Todd. Stupid dating rules about when to talk and how to talk and who should talk to who first. It took a month for us to meet and when we did, it was at 4 a.m. for breakfast at Perkins. Not one single thing about our relationship started off traditional.
It was easy, though. It was always easy and it always felt right. There were no fundamental issues between us. Todd is the most easygoing person on the planet and he's the perfect complement to my occasional neurotic tendencies. We're a team, and we've been a team from the beginning. We both pitch in to make our household run, we both pitch in to make our relationship work. I imagine that we'll both pitch in when this house is filled with dirty diapers and midnight feedings as well. This is the natural rhythm that we fell into together, and it works so easily and so effortlessly and I cannot imagine it any other way. I have said, from the very beginning, that I am more myself with Todd than I am with any other person on this planet - and that's the only way this marriage could ever work.
I am reminded of this, especially, in these days when I'm not feeling so great. I am free to whine and pout and crab and sleep and Todd? He just keeps on taking care of me.
He's going to be such a great daddy.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Blog # 2 From the Resident Nerd
So we hit WELL OVER the 250 mark (257 the last time I checked) which means that our little web of information must be starting to spread out. For myself, to see the numbers keep going up is always exciting because even if someone just hits the "Like" button on our Facebook page, it still shows that they took the time to do so and to me, that's always a good thing no matter what.
So, now its time to get down to the meat and taters of it all. What shall I write about? I was actually ready to write about this last night but decided to just take the time to kind of get my words together first so it didn't seem like a total jumbled mess. So, here goes!!!
I want to talk about friendships today. We all have had or have them now in our lives. But the one thing that is most evident to me is how when things come up in your lives, you can truly tell who your true friends are and are not. In high school, I guess I would have considered myself not to be associated with one clique or another. I was just kind of in the middle group that seemed to get along with everyone. Now some 15 years later, I would still consider myself that way. However, now I feel as if I am old enough to determine who my true friends are and who my acquaintance's are. I have found that my true circle of friends is quite a small group really but what we lack in numbers, we more then make up for in strength and support. Its these true friends who have been the most supportive and the biggest source of inspiration as me and Shell go through this whole process.
Basically, I already knew who my closest circle was but by going through and starting this process, it has been really impressive to see all the people who have come forward with words of support or even helping out by getting the word out. Again, you will hear me say this a million and one times but I just feel as if I can't say Thank You enough to all the people who are there for us and to all the new people who have come forward to offer support.
OK, so now that the serious issue is done, now onto the rebuttal about the Jedi Mind Trick post my lovely wife Shell blogged about. Well, I am still a Padawan yet so my full Jedi Mind Trick skills are far from enough to make her do that (definitely a nerd sentence right there ). In fact, when she mentioned the whole theme of the basement, I literally pinched myself several times to make sure I was not dreaming. So, there, now the air is clear on that.
Also, I have decided to show my true nature by putting a couple funny pics at the end of each blog. I am a firm believer in the power of laughter so that what ya have to look forward to at the end of my blogs.......so........ENJOY!!!
So, now its time to get down to the meat and taters of it all. What shall I write about? I was actually ready to write about this last night but decided to just take the time to kind of get my words together first so it didn't seem like a total jumbled mess. So, here goes!!!
I want to talk about friendships today. We all have had or have them now in our lives. But the one thing that is most evident to me is how when things come up in your lives, you can truly tell who your true friends are and are not. In high school, I guess I would have considered myself not to be associated with one clique or another. I was just kind of in the middle group that seemed to get along with everyone. Now some 15 years later, I would still consider myself that way. However, now I feel as if I am old enough to determine who my true friends are and who my acquaintance's are. I have found that my true circle of friends is quite a small group really but what we lack in numbers, we more then make up for in strength and support. Its these true friends who have been the most supportive and the biggest source of inspiration as me and Shell go through this whole process.
Basically, I already knew who my closest circle was but by going through and starting this process, it has been really impressive to see all the people who have come forward with words of support or even helping out by getting the word out. Again, you will hear me say this a million and one times but I just feel as if I can't say Thank You enough to all the people who are there for us and to all the new people who have come forward to offer support.
OK, so now that the serious issue is done, now onto the rebuttal about the Jedi Mind Trick post my lovely wife Shell blogged about. Well, I am still a Padawan yet so my full Jedi Mind Trick skills are far from enough to make her do that (definitely a nerd sentence right there ). In fact, when she mentioned the whole theme of the basement, I literally pinched myself several times to make sure I was not dreaming. So, there, now the air is clear on that.
Also, I have decided to show my true nature by putting a couple funny pics at the end of each blog. I am a firm believer in the power of laughter so that what ya have to look forward to at the end of my blogs.......so........ENJOY!!!
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Patience
Our Facebook, and other outreach efforts have far exceeded our expectations. I remember thinking about what outreach was going to be like and thinking that I'd never be able to do that, that we'd never be able to reach very many people, and - hoo boy - would that ever be way outside of my comfort zone.
What's interesting is how my comfort zone seems to be expanding. I mean, there are some areas that are still beyond what feels comfortable to me, but I push myself little by little and allow this experience to help us grow.
There is this saying in the adoption world that "we all get the children we are meant to have." It's a test of patience and a realization that this, none of this, is on my own schedule. Learning how to give up my need for control, and embrace that idea -- that we all get the children we are meant to have, are part of this growth experience.
We're essentially in patience mode, for now, so we plan to take this opportunity to introduce a little bit more of ourselves to all of you. Some of it will likely not be as deep and meaningful as others, but
we're hoping this will paint a more vivid picture of the kind of people we are, and the kind of parents we'll be.
By the way, only 13 more Facebook "likes" until Todd writes again. I know he has everyone waiting on pins and needles, but I may rope him into co-authoring some of these upcoming "getting to know us" updates in the very near future! Stay tuned...
What's interesting is how my comfort zone seems to be expanding. I mean, there are some areas that are still beyond what feels comfortable to me, but I push myself little by little and allow this experience to help us grow.
There is this saying in the adoption world that "we all get the children we are meant to have." It's a test of patience and a realization that this, none of this, is on my own schedule. Learning how to give up my need for control, and embrace that idea -- that we all get the children we are meant to have, are part of this growth experience.
We're essentially in patience mode, for now, so we plan to take this opportunity to introduce a little bit more of ourselves to all of you. Some of it will likely not be as deep and meaningful as others, but
we're hoping this will paint a more vivid picture of the kind of people we are, and the kind of parents we'll be.
By the way, only 13 more Facebook "likes" until Todd writes again. I know he has everyone waiting on pins and needles, but I may rope him into co-authoring some of these upcoming "getting to know us" updates in the very near future! Stay tuned...
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Mean People Suck
Regardless of your personal views on homosexuality, I think we can all agree that this is unbelievably tragic, right? My heart breaks for this child, this family, and all of the other families who have suffered the same fate.
I'm not a parent (yet), unless you count my furry kids, and while Oliver & Shadow sometimes behave like bullies, I'm pretty sure the intent and the consequences are drastically different. Regardless, I may be speaking out of turn, as I don't have experience under my belt and cannot claim to have "been there" or "done that" - but parenthood is the goal here and I'm speaking from a place that wants the world to be a better place for my children.
Bullying has been around since the dawn of time. This is not a new concept. My own family will occasionally bring up references to times when I, myself, was a victim of bullying and how devastating it was for me and, perhaps moreso, for them to watch me go through. It's interesting how time glosses over those memories and I have long let them go. I am living proof that "it does get better" and someday you will be a stronger, more empathetic person for it. My family used these experiences as teaching opportunities -- encouraging me to recognize how words and/or actions made me feel and to take care in not causing others to feel the same way. I was (and am) lucky for their support and guidance. I, obviously, could have gone in a completely different direction with this.
Times have changed though. My experience with bullying was short lived and avoidable (it was also, comparatively, small potatoes). I went home at the end of the day and that was the end of it. Sure, it might happen again the next day, but there were at least 12 blissful hours of recovery. That is not how the world is anymore. Social networking has allowed kids to be in constant contact with each other, they are always plugged in and on top of that - the audience is vast. It's not just whoever is within hearing distance anymore. It's anyone, anywhere, in the world - really. How do you cope when you can't ever escape?
Kindness, and respect for things and people who are different from you are such important teaching points for parents. There's never an excuse for mean behavior. There's never an excuse to use your beliefs as weapons, cutting down those who you feel are less than you are. There's never an excuse to let fear dictate and excuse bad behavior. It is possible to fully believe that you are right, without destroying anyone and everyone who you believe to be wrong. We need to make it safe for our children to be who they are, and instill in them a healthy respect for the fact that that majority of people they meet in this life will not be like them. And that's okay. We aren't meant to be the same. And we're not meant to judge one another -- that job has already been claimed by someone with far more authority than any of us, and He does a pretty darn good job of it. Leave it to Him, and in the meantime, approach the world with an intent of kindness and generosity. Teach that to our children.
I don't know what the world is going to be like when we're at this stage of parenting. I don't imagine that bullies will be extinct then, and I imagine we're going to have to come up with our own plan for how to navigate those troubled waters -- protecting our child from bullies, and ensuring that our child is not a bully. Our plan, for now, is to lead by example.
Sunday, September 18, 2011
Jedi Mind Tricks
When we bought our house, just over two years ago, I told Todd that the downstairs could be his "man cave" to decorate. That quickly turned into "this tiny bar area in the basement can be yours to decorate":
I had some ideas about what I wanted to do down there. Most of them involved large prints of classic movies like Wizard of Oz and Breakfast at Tiffany's. Needless to say, this was not Todd's idea for what he wanted to do down there. We agreed that we could hang a poster of "The Jerk", and I was willing to allow for one "Star Wars" poster, but beyond that - we were at a stalemate.
I have no way of knowing for sure, but I think he might have Jedi mind-tricked me.
It started with this:
Iron Man and Gambit (from X-Men) to fill in another wall.
Then, last weekend, we picked this little treasure up:
Captain America's shield - picked up for a steal at Marigold Days.
As we started thinking about how we were going to re-arrange things to make room for this on the walls, I found myself saying "You know, it would be kind of fun to go with a comic book theme in the basement."
I think Todd almost fell over. At least that's how he acted. I'm not convinced that he somehow tricked me into thinking this was all my idea. He's sneaky, that guy.
In any case, last night we found one more for our collection (on clearance!), which begins to fill in the last open wall and seals the deal on the comic book themed basement:
Further proof of this Jedi mind-trickery?
I think it looks pretty darn cool, actually.
What I love about this, more than the fact that it looks cool on our walls, is that this is such a good representation of the bond that Todd will share with our child(ren). He can't wait to introduce all these favorite characters to our child, fostering imagination and a sense of awe. I am the reader, but Todd is the storyteller. I watched him make up a story for our dogs the other night, something about Oliver's heroic adventures in fighting off evil squirrels. The dogs sat listening intently for about 5 whole minutes. Todd has a gift! I can only imagine the stories he will make up for our child, about his own heroes and the heroes he creates for them. He and our child will share these stories, movies, and no doubt hours of make-believe playtime centered around these timeless characters.
I had some ideas about what I wanted to do down there. Most of them involved large prints of classic movies like Wizard of Oz and Breakfast at Tiffany's. Needless to say, this was not Todd's idea for what he wanted to do down there. We agreed that we could hang a poster of "The Jerk", and I was willing to allow for one "Star Wars" poster, but beyond that - we were at a stalemate.
I have no way of knowing for sure, but I think he might have Jedi mind-tricked me.
It started with this:
I made him this collage of all the swag he picked up at the Star Wars convention. I gave this to him for Christmas last year, and it was the first actual piece of "art" to hang on our walls downstairs.
Then, for his birthday, I bought him these:
Iron Man and Gambit (from X-Men) to fill in another wall.
Then, last weekend, we picked this little treasure up:
Captain America's shield - picked up for a steal at Marigold Days.
As we started thinking about how we were going to re-arrange things to make room for this on the walls, I found myself saying "You know, it would be kind of fun to go with a comic book theme in the basement."
I think Todd almost fell over. At least that's how he acted. I'm not convinced that he somehow tricked me into thinking this was all my idea. He's sneaky, that guy.
In any case, last night we found one more for our collection (on clearance!), which begins to fill in the last open wall and seals the deal on the comic book themed basement:
Further proof of this Jedi mind-trickery?
I think it looks pretty darn cool, actually.
What I love about this, more than the fact that it looks cool on our walls, is that this is such a good representation of the bond that Todd will share with our child(ren). He can't wait to introduce all these favorite characters to our child, fostering imagination and a sense of awe. I am the reader, but Todd is the storyteller. I watched him make up a story for our dogs the other night, something about Oliver's heroic adventures in fighting off evil squirrels. The dogs sat listening intently for about 5 whole minutes. Todd has a gift! I can only imagine the stories he will make up for our child, about his own heroes and the heroes he creates for them. He and our child will share these stories, movies, and no doubt hours of make-believe playtime centered around these timeless characters.
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Adoption on TV - Parenthood
One of my favorite shows (and as a pop culture junkie, the list of favorite shows is impressive) is Parenthood on NBC. I'm a huge fan of Lauren Graham from her Gilmore Girls days and in general I find this show to be very sweet. Season three kicked off with a continuation of a storyline where characters Julia and Joel are pursuing adoption. In their first scene, they are making an adoption video and arguing over what information is relevant -- do we include the fact that we sometimes listen to Lady Gaga? How important is the diversity of our music tastes, really? I can tell you that, as a couple new to these adoption waters - this scene rang VERY true to us. It's so hard to capture the essence of yourself, your sincerity and all of the little quirks and nuances that make you you. I'm positive that we will not be chosen as adoptive parents based on whether or not we listen to Gaga - but it might actually be the thing that captures someone's attention. What do we leave in? What do we leave out? I guess that's the benefit of having this blog -- here, you will get everything (including, at some point I am sure, an in depth look at our music tastes)!
The rest of that storyline isn't doing anything for me. While I know it's (probably) meant to be funny, I'm not really crazy about the "buying the latte girls baby" bit. It might just be that I've been learning and embracing the whole language of adoption, but it's also that -- that's not how it works. We're not buying babies, and we're certainly not walking up to pregnant women and asking if we can buy theirs. I'm interested in how this storyline will play out, but I suspect that in the end it will get the same adoption treatment as most TV shows give which is a shame. Adoption - the process and the relationships within - is fascinating enough on its own. A true-to-life portrayal would make interesting TV, I think. Though, I'm a bit biased about that, I suppose.
In other news, while reading through the archives of Cathy & Dave's Adoption Journey blog this morning, I stumbled upon the fact that George Lucas, one of Todd's biggest hero's, is an adoptive father. I think now we know the real reason why Todd finally jumped 110% on board! How very very cool.
The rest of that storyline isn't doing anything for me. While I know it's (probably) meant to be funny, I'm not really crazy about the "buying the latte girls baby" bit. It might just be that I've been learning and embracing the whole language of adoption, but it's also that -- that's not how it works. We're not buying babies, and we're certainly not walking up to pregnant women and asking if we can buy theirs. I'm interested in how this storyline will play out, but I suspect that in the end it will get the same adoption treatment as most TV shows give which is a shame. Adoption - the process and the relationships within - is fascinating enough on its own. A true-to-life portrayal would make interesting TV, I think. Though, I'm a bit biased about that, I suppose.
In other news, while reading through the archives of Cathy & Dave's Adoption Journey blog this morning, I stumbled upon the fact that George Lucas, one of Todd's biggest hero's, is an adoptive father. I think now we know the real reason why Todd finally jumped 110% on board! How very very cool.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Now its Todd's Turn to Blog
Well, Time to keep up my end of the bargain and blog since we hit the 175 mark (We are now at 192 by the way). So lets get started shall we.
Chicken is good........Peas are best from the garden.........and the thing that ties it all together, CHEESE!!!
But seriously, I thought I would put in my 2 cents about my adoption journey so far. Some words that come to mind first off are scary and exciting all at the same time. At first, I was not very convinced when Shell brought up the words Adoption. But after a few mini talks about it, I was about 80% on board with it. Then came our first all day meeting and by this time I was about 90% on board. The thing that really brought me over the edge was a speaker during the all day meeting. I can't remember her name but I still to this day remember one phrase that she said:
"Would you rather have a baby in the stomach or a baby on the hip?"
That really hit home with me because it really brought home the whole point of adopting. Its not about having a child with your DNA, its about making a family of your own. And that fact really hit me the hardest and made me 110% on board with adoption. Once we bring our infant home for the first time, they will be a Suhr no matter who gave birth to him/her. I also feel as if this is a calling for us in that we have a great support system in place and just the way things have been falling into place.
Also, myself and Shell would like to thank everyone who has "Liked" and "Shared" our adoption FB page and the link to the website and the blog site here. We started the whole outreach process a little nervous about what would happen and so far with just a week started, we could not be happier with the results. Every night we look at the numbers and just see how much we have grown and every day we say Thank You to all the people who are out there promoting us. We know its a long process but we look forward to sharing it all with you.
Well, I know alot of people who know me were expecting a more comedic post........Well, here are a couple pics for those people and maybe in the future, I may post another blog or 3. Again, thanks everyone and lets keep this ball a rollin!!!
Chicken is good........Peas are best from the garden.........and the thing that ties it all together, CHEESE!!!
But seriously, I thought I would put in my 2 cents about my adoption journey so far. Some words that come to mind first off are scary and exciting all at the same time. At first, I was not very convinced when Shell brought up the words Adoption. But after a few mini talks about it, I was about 80% on board with it. Then came our first all day meeting and by this time I was about 90% on board. The thing that really brought me over the edge was a speaker during the all day meeting. I can't remember her name but I still to this day remember one phrase that she said:
"Would you rather have a baby in the stomach or a baby on the hip?"
That really hit home with me because it really brought home the whole point of adopting. Its not about having a child with your DNA, its about making a family of your own. And that fact really hit me the hardest and made me 110% on board with adoption. Once we bring our infant home for the first time, they will be a Suhr no matter who gave birth to him/her. I also feel as if this is a calling for us in that we have a great support system in place and just the way things have been falling into place.
Also, myself and Shell would like to thank everyone who has "Liked" and "Shared" our adoption FB page and the link to the website and the blog site here. We started the whole outreach process a little nervous about what would happen and so far with just a week started, we could not be happier with the results. Every night we look at the numbers and just see how much we have grown and every day we say Thank You to all the people who are out there promoting us. We know its a long process but we look forward to sharing it all with you.
Well, I know alot of people who know me were expecting a more comedic post........Well, here are a couple pics for those people and maybe in the future, I may post another blog or 3. Again, thanks everyone and lets keep this ball a rollin!!!
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