Dear Addy,
I guess we should just address right off the bat that
everything in your life will probably be late.
I am constantly running about 10 steps behind these days. Is this second child syndrome? Sure.
We’ll call it that. But I am
still doing it, which proves that it’s not a lack of love, it’s just a lack of
organization,hours in the day, and ability to sit down and organize my thoughts
in the 30 minutes of “free time” you give me every 6 hours or so.
It is hard to believe that it has already been a month since
you showed up and rocked our worlds. You
spent your first couple days creating lots of drama in the hospital. We had issues with your bilirubin and despite
our interventions, your numbers kept going up which meant our interventions
kept going up. You wound up spending 24
hours wrapped in a bili blanket and then 24 hours with a bili blanket/bili
light combo. My hormones were a little
out of control at that point so I may have reacted a little dramatically when
the doctors gave us this news. There were
lots of tears and my heart broke repeatedly for you, but you took it like a
champ. You kicked up your feet and lay
under those lights like it’s what you were born to do. And then, by that second day, your numbers
went down and they let us go. I was so
proud of you. You basically came into
this world kicking butt.
It’s a good thing too, because about two weeks later you
came down with your first cold. Your big
brother is pretty much constantly sick and he had croup the weekend we brought
you home so we figured your days were numbered.
We’re going on two weeks with this cold now and it has turned into a
terrible cough that physically pains us to listen to. The doctor says there’s nothing we can do
though, keep you hydrated, shoot saline up your nostrils, steam up the bathroom
and hang out in there singing Christmas carols.
Pray that God cuts you a break soon.
Speaking of your big brother – he wasn’t so sure what to
think of you at first. We think he
thought you belonged to your Aunt Sara.
The second time he came to visit us in the hospital, he came clomping in
and his first words were “WHERE’S SARA?” as if he couldn’t understand why she
wasn’t taking care of her baby and why I had to stay there to pick up her
slack. I think he’s figuring out that
you’re not going anywhere now. I think
he actually loves you very much. He
calls you “my baby” and you’re the first thing he runs to when he comes home
from daycare every day. He likes to pet
your head and “nuggle” you. He also
likes to poke your eyeballs and stick his fingers up your nose, but we try to
limit his opportunities to engage in those activities. You’re too young to really “get” him yet, but
you know when he comes home. The
atmosphere in the house shifts and you get quieter, more alert, as you tune
into his voice and the energy he brings with him. This is going to be a fun relationship to
watch form and grow.
You are a sweet baby.
I don’t know if you’re easier than your brother is (aside from the drama
and the illness) or if we were still just in “baby” mode so you’re not as much
of a shock to our system as he was at first, but I feel like I have more energy
this time around. I definitely have more
patience and am enjoying this maternity leave more. It’s still hard. It’s still a 24 hour job and sometimes I
still find myself hissing at you to please just give me five minutes to eat
this sandwich – but I’m less afraid to put you down so I CAN eat that
sandwich. Also – coffee. This time around I have embraced the need for
coffee and it is doing wonders for my coping skills.
You are snuggly and warm and like a narcotic to my
soul. I can hardly hold you without
slipping into a dream/sleep state. I
will hold you up to my chest, gaze into your eyes and wake 3 hours later to
find that we both apparently passed out without meaning to. You may be starving and dirty, and I am
definitely starving and dirty, but there we are, curled up together in a warm,
snuggly embrace like it’s the only sustenance we ever needed. Maybe it is.
It seems to be working for us.
You’re growing like a weed and I?
I am keeping my cool SO MUCH BETTER this time. J
Welcome to our crazy, loud, messy, loving lives Addy
Rose. I hope you will love it here. We already love you so so much. You filled a hole that we didn’t even know
was there, and now our family is complete.
We can’t wait to learn and grow with you, to watch you become the
amazing and wonderful person you’re destined to be. We’re here to help and love and hold you up –
and to never let you forget that. Here’s
to a great new adventure.
Love and kisses all over,
Mama
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